The Corporatist

giving back

thecorporatist — Mon, 16 May 2011 22:31:42 +0000

here is the latest trend at work:

at every meeting that i have been attending lately that ends earlier than scheduled, the meeting leader announces he/she will give me x amount of minutes back of my day. where x = (amount of minutes that meeting was scheduled for) – (amount of minutes that meeting took).

yes. i would like to be reminded that i have been invited to a meeting forced-fully, and that your charitable work of the day is to give me some 2 minutes back. how about you give me back my whole life since i started working here? thanks.

offsite events

thecorporatist — Mon, 16 May 2011 21:57:44 +0000

as if it is fun to hang out with people you work inside the office outside the office.
also, there is always that awkward moment when your boss shows up in cargo shorts above his knees…

Employees and the Swine Flu

thecorporatist — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:16:53 +0000

A communication about the swine flu outbreak was sent out recently, to alert employees and advise them on best practices.

Here is the best thread of employee replies:

Is it true that you can get swine flu from eating pork? I ate some bacon this morning and I feel kind of weird.

I think you are fine and mostly paranoid about the media surrounding the swine flu news. A support group is forming for people who are scared of pork flu. Please contact [...].

Why get on the internet for entertainment, when you can follow company-wide communications replies?

My “Monday through Friday” friend

thecorporatist — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 03:05:29 +0000

I find in today’s corporate world that friendships on the inside, are quite different than those made on the outside. One would think that some coworkers not only create friendships at work, but extend work activities to say, outside of the corporate walls of conference rooms, and deck writing.

There is a girl at work that I’ve extended several invites to on “hanging out” after work. However, all my intentions have been squelched. All isn’t lost I suppose as she has made the few outings with me sometimes on a Friday evening, or a Thursday wine tasting event, but again these are rare.

Weekends it seems are out of the question. When I do call her on the weekends, her phone goes to voicemail. When I tell her on Monday that I called, I’m reminded that she hardly uses her cell phone and mostly uses her home phone. Interesting. As I have seen her on several occasions use her cell phone as she gets in her car to go home.

I’m surprisingly bothered by this dance of “asking” her to hang out only to be ignored as it’s the weekend. However, Monday through Friday all is well, she tells me her stories, things are great! Random likeness between both of us is enjoyed as we discover new things about one another. Yet it never fails, the weekend comes upon us, and suddenly I don’t exist again until the following Monday.

What does she do on the weekends?
Is she building computer virus, an atomic bomb? Is she creating a new formula to take over the world and doesn’t want me to see?

Is she shy?

I try to get my head around it and continue to refer to her as my “Monday-Friday” friend. I guess that’s how it’s going to be in this corporate world I live in.

corporate cannibal

thecorporatist — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 03:01:52 +0000

by grace jones. enjoy!

Smoke-free… fat-free… same thing.

thecorporatist — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 02:56:09 +0000

My company has designated a free-tobacco campus. This is what a few coworkers expressed:

Do we then take a look at the #2 leading cause of preventable death; Obesity from a poor diet and lack of physical activity? Are we going to have some health nut put scales down in the cafeteria and tell you that you need to be in the Tofu and Salad line?

Does this policy also apply to smoke-less tobacco?

I totally agree [name exposed]! Get rid of anything that’s bad for us. Kind of like how it was in Demolition Man. By the way, when are we replacing toilet paper with the three sea shells? LOL!

Coworkers like this one make me think twice before leaving the company.

WW[Michael Bolton]D?

thecorporatist — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 01:59:52 +0000

What would you do if your socially-challenged boss asked you to befriend him on Facebook… for business-related reasons?

Monitor Critic

thecorporatist — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 05:04:15 +0000

I have 2 monitors at work that apparently scream “Come, read me, and comment out loud what’s on here!”. No. Privacy. Ugh.

Cellphone Ringtone of the Month at Work

thecorporatist — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 04:55:55 +0000

Bernard Herrmann’s “Twisted Nerve”… which is Daryl Hannah’s character whistle in that hospital scene in Kill Bill 2. Soooo 2003. *yawn.

No.

thecorporatist — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 04:48:50 +0000

No. I’m not interested in knowing how my company stocks are doing. “Sacrilegious!”